literature

The Dark Ones

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At the start the Dark Ones came, they found an empty place and stood there. The walls of the world began and they made a place to sit. They sat on thrones of gold and gems and knew no end to their power. They created the land and the sea and the creatures and the plants. They made many worlds, but they could not see them. The Dark Ones had created no light in the world and were blind. So they created a light to allow them to see all things.
Soon the Dark Ones became bored of the Making, and made others to serve them. The others came out of the light and saw all things. They stood as the first Ancients. They served the Dark Ones for all things, they created and shaped worlds and creatures and plants. But the light could not see far enough and so the Dark Ones created more lights, smaller lights. The worlds were grouped around the lights and all the plants lent to them.
But nothing grew or aged or began or ended, all things held the life of the Dark Ones. The Dark Ones saw this, and they wanted to take power so they created the Flow. The Flow made all things move and speak and breathe and age. The creatures and the plants and the worlds changed, but the Dark Ones and the Ancients remained still and everlasting.
The Flow took all things forward, even the lights, and they began to dim as the creatures and the plants took them. The Dark Ones became angered and wanted to kill all the creatures and the plants and start anew, they blamed the Ancients for their creatures taking the lights from the empty space and making them blind. They told the Ancients to seek a way to stop the creatures and the plants from taking the lights or they would kill all things, and take the power of the Ancients. So the Ancients thought for many lights and darks as their world became dimmer. Then an Ancient thought of the Gardians, a creature to protect the lights. The Ancients made the Gardians and put them near the lights. The Gardians were fierce, but wise and saw that the lights must not go out, so they protected them. The Gardians were huge, winged and scaled creatures, they flew with the lights and guarded them. The Dark Ones were pleased with the Ancients saying they were the product of themselves, thus they made the solution.
A long time passed and the lights remained and the Gaurdians stayed and all things lived. But then there came a day that did not end, and the lights began to burn too brightly for the Dark Ones to see. They blamed the Ancients for this and again told them to think of a solution or all things would end. The Dark Ones believed that they were doing the thinking as the Ancients were from them. The Ancients thought for a long light as their world began to burn. Then they saw the problem, the Flow was not working, it had aged itself and was ending. The Ancients saw that the Flow needed protecting and so they made the Keepers. The Keepers were of men yet stood taller than their kin. They were made as warriors to defeat all things that harmed or aged the Flow. Unto their swords the Ancients spoke bravery and wisdom and courage, and the Keepers stood guard over the Flow. Once again the Dark Ones were pleased as they thought it had come from them.
Many ages past and many things went forward and changed, but the Dark Ones still sat harder than stone in a restless place full of fire and fright. The Ancients saw that the creatures of all the worlds feared the Dark Ones and the coming of the Terror and so sought to stop this. They spoke to the Dark Ones telling them of the fear that was held within the people and the Dark Ones laughed as they wished for this power. The Ancients did not see this as good as they saw all things and knew this power would cause a black fire and the end of all things. Thus they spoke to the Dark Ones again, and the Keepers stood with them as they explained what they believed would happen, but the Dark Ones would not listen, for they believed that the slaves should not speak up against them. Those that stood before for them at that time were punished for speaking and were then too afraid to speak again. But then another stood, one of the oldest of the Ancients, one of the first to step out of the light. He said to the others, "We, we are many, yet they are few, we could take their place and restore all things so that the black fire will not burn through all things." And many listened to his words. Then came another, the first to step out of the light and slave to the most powerful Dark One. He said to them "Do you not see that these words bring the fire to us. We must turn them with speech and great deeds, not with a blade across their backs. We must allow them to stand with us, we must tell them again of what we see. This time we will take all great things (Gaurdians, Keepers and the Ancients) and stand before them, then they will listen."
And so the slave to the most powerful took all the great things before the Dark Ones and spoke. They told them again of what would happen if the people continued to fear the coming of darkness and burning. Again the Dark Ones dismissed them, saying that the slaves should not speak up against their masters. However, on trying to punish them the most powerful Dark One stood, and told them to stop (it was ritual to watch all things punished), they did. No one had stopped a punishment before, and the Dark Ones watched him, fearing the way he watched them.
"This stands as my most faithful slave," The Dark One said "He made the creatures that stand around him and he sees all things in light. Perhaps they are right."
The Dark Ones watched him still, unmoving, shocked at this. No master should ever speak for his slave they said, no master should protect one below him, this is wrong. They believed the most powerful of them to be ill, or under a curse. But he spoke to them saying "I am well and speak sanely, I say to you now, they are right. As we speak many armies gather to seek us, we know this. We did not know why, yet now we do. Fear is not something that should be weilded." And at these last words the First Light shook, it poured a beam onto the most powerful One and his black robes changed to white and gold, and his face became brighter. He stood before all those around him and spoke to them saying "I have come. As the Ancients said would happen, they speak to one another to say that one day a Dark One will become Light and I have come, I see the truth in all things and I am beyond all, yet I will seek to serve." He picked up his sword and made it blank, he took all anger and lust for blood from it and cast it out of the room they sat in. Unto the sword he spoke bravery and wisdom and courage, and he stood gaurd over all the great things.

"See, Light will always prevail." Master Wilarn spoke with certainty.
"But why is it that when you put black ink on paper the white becomes dark?"
"The white does not leave though does it child."
"This makes no sense. It never makes any sense. These strories make no sense."
"Then you are not listening. Only when you listen will you truly see."
"But we don't see with our ears."
"Tell that to those who are blind child, and tell the deaf they do not hear with their eyes."
"I have a better question!" Forg waved his arm in the air.
"Speak child." Master Wilarn stood watching patiently.
"Why do the light ones listen to a dark one after all the bad he has done? He says one thing and then they all like him, why?"
"White roses look much brighter in the dark Forg."
"What?"
The Master smiled. "If there was a bed of white roses you would not see every one yes? But if there was a bed of black roses and one white rose then you would see all of the white ones yes?"
"Yes. But, so?"
"White is the good he has done, black the bad. The one good thing is most noticeable because he has never done anything good before. See child?"
"Okay. I wouldn't trust him though."
"Would you trust me child?" A man was leaning against the doorframe. He looked old but he stood taller than the Master. His face was fair and his eyes were bright, he look familiar, friendly and kind.
"Yes." Replied Forg.
"Why?" He asked
"Beacause I have not known you to do wrong sir." Forg replied confidently.
"Then I say to you, when I became Light I became new, thus at the time I had done nothing wrong as the one I was before was no longer."
Forg sat staring at him, and Master Wilarn bowed deeply.
"Garth, how do you fair?"
"Well child." The man turned and walked away.
"See children. Light will always prevail."
"Except at night!" Mard shot in.
"Do you still see at night Mard?"
"Yes Master."
"And what do we need to be able to see?"
"Light Master..."
Master Wilarn nodded.
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AMBM-DA's avatar
So over all I liked this a lot. It was an interesting read. It was very different, and evoked past mythologies, which I liked. It sounds like it could be the background story for a long fantasy epic. Of course, that would be up to you.

However, there are still some things that should be changed. Unless I misunderstood something, there were two people talking within the sixth paragraph. Usually, if another person speaks, it is a different paragraph. Also, with all the description in that paragraph, it could be broken up either way. This is true in a lot of places here. You have a bunch of very long paragraphs, then a series of very short ones when people are talking. This makes it sort of long to read in the beginning and unbalanced at the end. Perhaps if you broke up some of the longer ones into shorter ones, added some dialogue in there, then lengthened some of the later ones, it would flow better.

I won't comment on spelling since it seems someone else already did. As always, just review it a few times, and it will be better :)

Remember, these are just suggestions, and overall I liked it. I hope it helps in some way though. Good job! :)